Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
