We're like a lot better than the average bears
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Someone came in the potted fern
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
