Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
