Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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