We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
