I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
