Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
