I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
