drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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