my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
