My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
