Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My bed smells like the plague
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
