Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
