What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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