i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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