who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
COCAINE IS GR8
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
