She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
