yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
