I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
