What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
