i just wanna soil my oats bro
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
