we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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