so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
