fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
