I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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