i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
