so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
