he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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