How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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