I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
