He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
