Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
