Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you would pick up someone in the library
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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