My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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