How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
