when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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