Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
