i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She needs sedatives and a leash
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
