I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
