Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
