The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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