explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
