she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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