the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
