I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
