She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
