Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
