the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
