im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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