Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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