I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
