bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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