Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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