yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
