I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
