There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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