Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
