I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
