she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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