if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
