I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
