Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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